Impatient

I must admit that one of my major personality flaws is that I am extremely impatient. I've been trying to sort through the psycho-analytics of this for quite some time, but I end up nowhere. My mother has been telling me since I was, I don't know, six... that I have got to delay gratification and wait. She said that I won't always get what I want "right now". I'm sure she's disappointed that I still haven't learned that lesson.

When I get my mind set on something, it's all I can do to wait five minutes to get it done. This has created several problems.

1. I do everything VERY fast. I walk fast, I talk fast, I type fast, I cook fast, whatever it is... I do it fast. I don't like to waste time in the details.

2. I end up sort of dissatisfied with the results. For example, I rushed into buying my car two years ago. I HAD to have a new car, why... probably because everyone else had a new car, and I felt like I needed one too. And, don't get me wrong, I love my car, but if I had it to do over again, I would make a different choice. (How's that for a run-on sentence?) I end up comparing what I've got to everyone else (everyone that WAS patient), and then what I've got simply doesn't measure up.

I guess I'm feeling sort of convicted right now because we are in a situation where we just HAVE to be patient, and it is, quite literally... eating me alive.

Here are the things I really want.
1. A new house. A shiny, new, big, house. One where everybody has a door. Have I ever mentioned that Rodney and I don't even have a door between our room and Hannah's? The one door we have doesn't even lock. Poor Hannah's room is adjacent to the kitchen, no door, and the garage. Not only do I want a new house, but I want one somewhere besides Denison. I incessantly look on the internet to 'see' what's out there, and I need to quit doing that too. It just makes me crazier.

2. This brings me to my second point. I want a new job. I love teaching, when I get to teach. I would love to be in a district that valued teachers enough to let us do our job.

3. I want Rodney to feel stable and secure in his job. Just the other day we were talking about how when he got hired on with ExpressJet, the upgrade time wsa two years. That means that, if the economic crisis had not struck the airlines, we would be looking to upgrade to Captain in December. That also means almost double the salary, better benefits, more time off, etc. And now, we are looking at a pay cut, less hours, and another 3 years to upgrade.

4. Hannah's turning three... this has me very selfishly wanting another baby. I'm trying to keep things in perspective and understand that this is just NOT, obviously, a good time. And, it may not ever be. But, like I said...I'm impatient. I want the opportunity to do it 'right'. Meaning that I want all the cutesie nursery stuff, the perfect timing, the maternity pictures, blah blah blah.

I'm trying to remember that I'm only 26, and that there is plenty of time to be rewarded with all of these selfish desires. But, it pains me to know that we are working so very hard, so diligently, and we haven't even put one foot up the ladder of success. I guess we have though, we're both college educated, we both have jobs, and we love each other mightily.

I must be a nut.