Here's to the middle #

It's been a long time since I felt 'good' about my physique. A really long time actually. I know I'm never going to be what one might call slim... but I really just want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want to feel good about wearing clothes that are fun.

I have tried convincing myself that looks aren't all that important, because I have a husband who adores me, and doesn't seem to acknowledge, or care about, my physical flaws. However, that just hasn't worked.

Last year, Taylor and I joined a gym and we started going religiously. Then, my parents jumped on the bandwagon and they started going religiously. Then, we moved away and I stopped going. The progress I had made towards weight loss was gradually erased by my increasing laziness and tendency to comfort myself with food. I do have a particular liking for sweet things.

Rodney and I have come up with a contest. We are each doing our own diet thing (and trying to work out at the YMCA as much as possible). We are weighing weekly and then will declare a winner on Christmas Day. The prizes are... if I win (which I will) he is taking me to some type of musical.... but if he wins (which he won't), there will be a sporting event in our futures. We have an anniversary coming up in January (8 years!) So, we will celebrate my accomplishments then.

Now, I tell you all this simply to provide the background information you need to be truly happy for this little piece of news. I have a new middle #. I can't tell you what it is, but I can tell you that it is a number I have not seen since.... well.... maybe since we were first married. I'm sort of pysching myself out about it too (well, maybe the scales aren't accurate...) because I just can't believe I'm actually seeing that number. Weird. I've seen lots of other numbers (higher ones), but I haven't seen this particular, very special number. I'm ecstatic. It is the number that comes right after the number that is in the middle of my goal weight, which means I'm very close to being sort of normal. Well, normal for me anyway. I think (last year's weight loss included), I may have actually lost a total of 20 pounds.


Here's to the middle # - It's good to see you friend, it's been such a long, long time since you visited me. I really missed you. I thought of you often. I thought of the days when we would go shopping and the clothes would fit just perfectly. I thought of the pictures we had made, and how I thought I looked so big then... but now realize how cute I was. It's so good to have you back in town. But, dear middle #.... please don't stay too long. I'm anxious to meet the cousin you've been describing. You've often told me how energetic she would make me feel, how I might even have more self-confidence. You've mentioned that she's alot like you, except that when I'm with her, I might actually feel good about the pictures I take, or the clothes I wear. I really look forward to meeting her. I hope I'll see her on the scales really soon :)

Uninspiring

I read all of your blogs and I find myself moved by your ability to write with emotion, power, clarity, meaning, etc.

It has become increasingly hard for me to blog (wonder when that became a verb...) because I am increasingly uninspired by the world around me. Don't get me wrong people, there are great things going on here at 4526 Woodspring Glen Ln... but I am a bit, um, um, down???

My job is so hard. I should be better classified as a cat herder, rather than a teacher. Is there any meaning to what I do? Before you answer, let me first tell you how bad it really is. I teach 5 classes a day (not bad in an of itself...) 2 of those classes are what we call co-taught. This means that there are actually two classes rolled into one. One of the classes if kids who are required to receive special ed support, the rest are regular education students. For this reason, I get a co-teacher. Thank God for her. She's wonderful. She knows just what to do, just who to help, and just when to step on and rescue me. Of those 2 classes, one is really a behavior class. I have kids out of their chairs non-stop, I have girls that talk back to me, boys who have no idea that I am talking to them, and the most frustrating of all... they are scoring low low low low low on tests and quizzes. We're talking barnacles off the bottom of the boat low. IT makes me look like a crappy teacher, even though I know that daily, I give my all to them, only to see an absolute zero return on my investment. 2 of my other classes are considered level classes. You'd think that they would perform better... well they don't. They act like they have never heard the words I have said, or the activities we have done, or the assignments I have given them. There is absolutely no retention from day to day. The last class of the day, my little treasure, is my honors class. I don't believe they are truly an honors class, rather a high-average class, but it doesn't matter. They preform. However, they are just as crazy as the others.

I heard somebody say once that if your kids are scoring low it's not their fault its yours. I would like to meet that person. And, then I would like for them to meet my students. Then, they can re-evaluate that statement. I would go to the ends of the earth for these kids, but they can't complete a single assignment for me.

I've started looking at going back to school. It's only the 9th week of school and I'm fed up already. I love the people I work with, but I am just too angry at the system to commit my life to this work. There is accountability for teachers, I'm supposed to jump through hoops, but very little meaningful accountability for my students. I have so much respect for the people who make teaching into something valuable and worthwhile. But, for me, I totally doubt my ability to reach kids to a significant degree. The proof is in the pudding... or not in the pudding I suppose.

I can't really afford to go back to school now or anytime in the near future, which makes me even more frustrated. If I could, I would do it today. That's how ready I am. I see myself with a white coat on. The dream of medical school has come and gone for me. That ship sailed the day there were two pink lines on a pregnancy test for Hannah Claire. And, you know what, I'm okay with that. As I approach 30, I understand that dreams don't die, but they do sort of morph into something more feasible, more reachable. At this point, for me, I would really like to go to P.A. school, or another exciting prospect is to get a masters in genetic counseling. I think I would be good at that, it's the perfect combo of my background in OB, psych, and education.

I'd also like to write a book. If you know me well, you know the story carried within the walls of my heart and the confines of my soul. You know the story is trying hard not to leap out of me at any given moment, and bear itself to the world. You know that, for some unknown reason, the twisted path I am on leads to the telling of that story in an intimate, but perfect way. The day will come. But, first things first.

The plan: teach 2 more years (at least) to pay off student loan debt (the bane of my existence), somehow manage getting 8 hours of org. chemistry, grad school, white coat, book..... those are the steps to my happy... In the meantime, I'm trying to marginalize my discontent for my job situation and just enjoy this precious time in the life of my family.

Hannah's Birthday 10/17/2009, by Whitney Dove

I'd like to share my Walgreens Photo Center photos with you. Once you have checked out my photos you can order prints and upload your own photos to share.

Cold Front

So it occurred to me that I really have no idea what to expect in terms of a Houston winter. I mean really, will it be frigid like it was in Levelland? Will it be so wet and frozen and gross like in Denison? I gotta admit, I'm a bit nervous about it. Don't have any good reasons for being nervous.... just am.

When the cold front (it's approximately 66 right now outside) blew in, I really started to think. I've been talking with my students about how temperature affects the right of reaction. My favorite example is a high school football game. I always talk about how kids act at the first football game of the year (in August, when it's hot!). They tell me they run around, talk to all their friends, etc. Then, I ask them to describe how they would behave at the last football game of the year (pretend they make the playoffs). I even tell them about the last football game of my freshman year in high school. We made it to the Bi-District playoffs and had our last game at the Dick Bivins stadium in Amarillo. It was sooooo cold, I had icicles hanging off my piccolo. Now, I don't really think that was a football game (I think it was a marching contest) and I don't really think it was my freshman (I didn't play piccolo that year). But, regardless... it makes for a more interesting story. I've always had a flair for the dramatic. Anyway. At the last football game, nobody was running around. We all huddled under blankets... and the poor twirlers almost got frostbite. It was crazy.

The point of this story is to point out the similarities though, in how changing the temperature affected the behaviors of the students (i.e. particles in a reaction). When it's hot... particles bump into each other more frequently, therefore reacting more readily. I happen to think it's a pretty darn good analogy. But this is not a teaching blog.

When it's cold, my brain does not work as well. Because we are less active (there's my teaching example again), we sit around and just watch football or movies. These are some of the best family times. I love these times. I don't need my brain to work as well because watching tv does not require that much cognition.

When it's cold, I find it harder to get out of bed in the morning. Going to work is hard enough (although it really helps that I don't have to be at school until 8:00 am). But going to work in the cold is absolutely the pits.

When it's cold, I have a harder time thinking of things to cook. Everybody wants comfort food and quite frankly... those are some of the hardest meals to cook. I am a fan of soups and stews, etc. But those things get old quickly.

When it's cold, I worry about my dogs. Right now, they spend most of their time outside (mostly because Rodney doesn't want them in the house :( ). I don't want them to be uncomfortable because of the weather.

When it's cold, I think it should be Christmas time. And, we will have to wait till December for that.

When it's cold, I can't think of anything to wear. Winter time clothes are just not as cute as summer time clothes (capris/flip flops).

When it's cold, I tend to eat more and exercise less... and we all know what that leads to.

There are plenty more, but I think you all get the point. Cold weather is not my friend. I like fall weather, where the mornings are chilly but by afternoon the air is gentle. Winter though, when the morning air bites your face and the afternoons are no better... I am not a fan.

In other news, Hannah's birthday is this Wednesday. This adds a whole new layer of sadness to my winter-is-rapidly-approaching-and-I-don't-know-what-to-expect blues. My baby girl will be 4. She's a person now. Not a baby. She's got her own opinions, strong ones at that, and she's growing a fine set of attitudes about the way she likes things done. I know every mother says this, but I cannot believe how quickly this time has flown by.

In her short time on Earth, she has seen a lot. She's been to Disneyworld, she's moved, she's lost a grandparent and a great grandparent, she's changed our families forever, and she has wrapped the world around her finger. Quite an accomplishment for somebody who weighs less than 30 pounds. I love her to pieces. But, I will do a birthday tribute later. This was just a foreshadowing. :)

We are still loving Kingwood and all of our new adventures. The house is wonderful, beautiful. We continue to be blessed beyond measure.

3 weeks

I can honestly NOT believe it has been three whole weeks since we closed on both houses.  

Rodney and I still are in utter disbelief at how lucky we are to have gotten through this ordeal finally.  We LOVE LOVE LOVE this house.  We have tons of space, everything is new, and the floor plan is just perfect.  We will always cherish the memories of our starter house in Denison, but this is exciting too. 

Caleb is adjusting really well to 4th grade.  They switched his teacher after one week.  Apparently all the 4th grade classes were too big, so they started a new one and he was 'chosen' to go to the new class.  He was very worried about this change, but he is now very comfortable with the new teacher and his school.  He is riding the bus every morning.  I think he feels very independent and enjoys getting that time to visit with his friends from our street.  There are about 5 boys his age right here on our block.  Daily they are out riding bikes and exploring.  It's tough for me too... to kind of ease into this more independent stage, but he's really something to be proud of. 

Hannah is crazy, per usual.  She loves her school and Ms. Janie.  They really do a good job with the kids there.  I love how it smells good when we walk in and how her teacher hugs her goodbye.  We have been so very fortunate to have such wonderful childcare experiences with her.  She has been in childcare since she was only teeny tiny, and I am so thankful for the ladies who have treated her as their own.  She is starting to spell her name and is working on letter recognition.  She brought home the cutest thing where they had to cut the letters of their name out of magazines.  She must have found the tiniest words on the whole page because her name is only about a half inch long.  But, it was very cute anyway. 

Rodney has been home sooooo much! It's great, I mean, that's exactly why we moved!  He had to run to Mobile yesterday and then somewhere today too... but is home at night.  I feel like so much more of a family unit with him home more often.  It's been so fun. 

We joined the YMCA where we can exercise, swim, take classes, etc.  Caleb will be playing YMCA soccer this fall.  We signed him up yesterday and we are expecting a phone call from a coach any day.  He is very excited about this. 

I can't express enough how much I love my job.  I am working my rear off trying to keep up with all the administrative responsibilities (paperwork, calling parents, etc.).  But, I am thoroughly enjoying a school that functions as well as this one does.  I told the principal today how impressed I am that somebody has already thought of everything.  In other words, I am not having to come up with my own systems for contacting parents, rewarding kids, disciplining kids, whatever... it's all already done.  It makes it so consistent and easy.  It's just hard to adjust to a new school with such lofty expectations for their teachers.  I think I am a better teacher already because of it.  

I dearly miss my friends.  Thank God Cassie came to see me last weekend.  She was the medicine I needed.  We hope to start visiting some churches as soon as Rodney is home on a Sunday.  I look forward to getting plugged into the community.  It's wonderful here.  

Please come visit! 

Time to update.

Hello friends!  I'm still here.  

The last few months have been CRAZY hectic for us.  We did FINALLY get an offer on our house towards the end of June/beginning of July.  Two offers actually... we accepted the first one and then it fell through.  But, the first one gave us the opportunity we needed to write a contract on a new home in Kingwood.  Thankfully, we had that contract.  Otherwise, we would not have gotten this house.  But, as the first offer fell through, we had a second one waiting in the wings.  We signed that deal the second week in July and we closed on August 14th. 

After closing on the Denison house we came down to Kingwood and stayed in Rodney's apartment for a few nights.  I had to start inservice on Wednesday!  Then, we closed on this house on Friday.  Movers came Saturday, and we have spent the last week unpacking, organizing, and decorating.  Thanks to my mom, Taylor, and my aunt Terri for help in those departments.

So.... that was the abbreviated version of the move story.  But, what you really want to know is... we LOVE it here.  I cannot tell you all how grateful I am for this beautiful home, and a job that I know will be very rewarding and challenging.  

I complain about teaching, alot.  I do it because I always envisioned myself in some other type of career, (preferably one with a higher salary), but most days, I am very happy with my choice.  I heard a quote the other day at one of our inservices, and I have been pondering it ever since.  "Your life as an educator is your gift from God; what you do with your life is your gift to God." It causes me to really think.  That, truly, being in a position to help young people learn and grow is a very high calling.  That maybe this career shouldn't be my Plan B, or the stepping stone to something greater, bigger.  

I would love to go back to school, partly because I love school so much myself.  But, at the same time, I really enjoy being with middle schoolers.  I think they are the coolest creatures on the planet.  I love their enthusiasm, their unashamed sense of curiosity, and especially, the way they light up when you show them you care.  

Being in a new place has allowed me to consider, or reconsider I guess, my educational philosophy.  I've always been sort of the 'tough' teacher, the one who might have been a bit unreasonable in the opinion of some, but I guarantee that my students never doubted my high expectations for them.  

I  will always hold kids to the highest expectations I can imagine, but I want my focus this year to be relationships.  I will strive to build a personal relationship with each child.  To learn something about each and every one of them aside from their last TAKS data or the list of accommodations they will receive.  I will ask them about their hobbies, their likes/dislikes, talents, etc.  I will notice something positive about every one, even if it kills me, and I will appreciate the positive about all 150 of them ;)

It may sound a bit ambitious, teaching is hard, dirty work.  But, I am convinced that taking this step will make many other things easier and more rewarding.  Hopefully, I will be much more 'invested' in the child's success if I know them a little better. 

I was lucky to teach some amazing kids for the past three years.  A few of them absolutely stick out in my mind as shining examples of how relationships build success.  I would like to make that my creed.  Help keep me honest. 

Here are a few pictures of the house, we are very proud and very happy ;)

This is me getting the keys to the new house... after closing without Rodney.  Had to sign every single form like this:  Rodney K. Dove by Whitney N. Dove; attorney in fact.  It took forever!

Our house!  We are finally here, can't believe it... but we are!

Love to all, 

Baby Grand on Board

You know I love my piano. You know it represents so much more than to me than the average piano. You know I can't play it without my mind flooding with happy memories of my grandparents' house on Aransas street in Levelland. You know it broke my heart today to put it on a truck to not be touched by me again until, well, who knows.

But, I did it anyway. The price was right, and the guys were wonderful. Here are a few pictures of the first big step in our move to Houston.

We plan on moving the dining room table back into this space, but for now... a giant baby grand sized-hole, in my house, and in my heart :)